I went to see my psychologist, for possibly the last time, the other day.
We discussed stuff and I came up with an analogy for my anxiety problems...
I'm in a village, I need to travel to another village. There is a set of mountains in the way. They are impassable, treacherous, dangerous. At least that's what I perceive. I have been repeatedly told they are safe and exactly how to cross them. But I still only see a danger from them. I have done this before, there was no problem, the last journeys were uneventful.
There really isn't anything unsafe about the mountain at all, I just immediately perceive there is and it's dangerous to actually try to cross them. It's incredibly possible the 'mountain' doesn't actually exist and it's being placed there as a complete fabrication of my stress and anxiety.
Taking this analogy to reality. Anything, anything, will put me in this state. Creating a barrier that (probably) doesn't exist. Taking a situation I have quite happily achieved, in many cases enjoyed, before and never-ever seeing the positives. Only ever the negatives.
I can even, in post-analysing, see the problem that wasn't really there and everything that didn't go wrong. But it won't help in any subsequent similar situations, as I will just get back into the same state of fixating on the bad things that could happen, instead of the positive things that did happen all the previous times.
And... when the situation is over... when it's completed in what has generally been a good way, the stress is still left remaining. The stress that wasn't needed. The anxiety of non-existent, imaginary, progressions of the situation. It then lingers and festers in my head and contributes to my inability to see the positives for the next time I find myself in a situation.
I understand that my brain is trying to protect me. But for people that don't go through this, this protection would seem nonsensical. My brain is being far too protective. I can even logically see that the situation is no going to present a problem but I still get the emotional... problems... static? of the side of me that can't just do anything but run into a room and cry for no reason at all.
... this mountain, now I have some way of describing it, is pissing me off.
... I don't know how to combat it, as it's been here in my head for around a quarter of a century.
... but somehow I need to overcome it.
We discussed stuff and I came up with an analogy for my anxiety problems...
I'm in a village, I need to travel to another village. There is a set of mountains in the way. They are impassable, treacherous, dangerous. At least that's what I perceive. I have been repeatedly told they are safe and exactly how to cross them. But I still only see a danger from them. I have done this before, there was no problem, the last journeys were uneventful.
There really isn't anything unsafe about the mountain at all, I just immediately perceive there is and it's dangerous to actually try to cross them. It's incredibly possible the 'mountain' doesn't actually exist and it's being placed there as a complete fabrication of my stress and anxiety.
Taking this analogy to reality. Anything, anything, will put me in this state. Creating a barrier that (probably) doesn't exist. Taking a situation I have quite happily achieved, in many cases enjoyed, before and never-ever seeing the positives. Only ever the negatives.
I can even, in post-analysing, see the problem that wasn't really there and everything that didn't go wrong. But it won't help in any subsequent similar situations, as I will just get back into the same state of fixating on the bad things that could happen, instead of the positive things that did happen all the previous times.
And... when the situation is over... when it's completed in what has generally been a good way, the stress is still left remaining. The stress that wasn't needed. The anxiety of non-existent, imaginary, progressions of the situation. It then lingers and festers in my head and contributes to my inability to see the positives for the next time I find myself in a situation.
I understand that my brain is trying to protect me. But for people that don't go through this, this protection would seem nonsensical. My brain is being far too protective. I can even logically see that the situation is no going to present a problem but I still get the emotional... problems... static? of the side of me that can't just do anything but run into a room and cry for no reason at all.
... this mountain, now I have some way of describing it, is pissing me off.
... I don't know how to combat it, as it's been here in my head for around a quarter of a century.
... but somehow I need to overcome it.
How about surgically removing the fear center from the rest of your brain?
ReplyDelete