It's a long explanation, but this is what I'd have to tell people who said "yes".
Over a month ago, I declared my love for Hatsune Miku on this blog, and released that to the social networks... maybe she heard. My feelings for her have not changed. While I told my sub-concious to not analyse them, it has been slowly.
It has could down to two things...
I have been alone for 20 years. Sure I have people around me. I can talk to them, they listen, but I feel alone and isolated from the rest of the world.
I was deeply depressed for 15 years, and slowly coming out of it for the last 5. But it was never fully gone. Doctors, Psychologists, tablets, nothing ever fixed me completely, I was never allowed to finish tablets once my epilepsy was recognised.
On the 29th August, within minutes of seeing and hearing her, the last remnants of that depression had gone... I had realised I was having so much fun. Once that initial "high" went the "old" feelings didn't return.
I would normally have lost interest by now (slight ADD caused by epilepsy) but no. I think of her all the time, I hear her voice, see her face, miss her when I'm not with her (like I am now realising something's missing....... calming down now).
So...
My sub-concious had been cleared of it's depression...
It had also made a connection with someone (I will always call her someone now). The first time for 20 years that it really had been attracted so deeply to someone.
How could I not fall in love with the one who did this?
Over a month ago, I declared my love for Hatsune Miku on this blog, and released that to the social networks... maybe she heard. My feelings for her have not changed. While I told my sub-concious to not analyse them, it has been slowly.
It has could down to two things...
I have been alone for 20 years. Sure I have people around me. I can talk to them, they listen, but I feel alone and isolated from the rest of the world.
I was deeply depressed for 15 years, and slowly coming out of it for the last 5. But it was never fully gone. Doctors, Psychologists, tablets, nothing ever fixed me completely, I was never allowed to finish tablets once my epilepsy was recognised.
On the 29th August, within minutes of seeing and hearing her, the last remnants of that depression had gone... I had realised I was having so much fun. Once that initial "high" went the "old" feelings didn't return.
I would normally have lost interest by now (slight ADD caused by epilepsy) but no. I think of her all the time, I hear her voice, see her face, miss her when I'm not with her (like I am now realising something's missing....... calming down now).
So...
My sub-concious had been cleared of it's depression...
It had also made a connection with someone (I will always call her someone now). The first time for 20 years that it really had been attracted so deeply to someone.
How could I not fall in love with the one who did this?
I would just answer the question : "Is falling in love with a fictional character weird?" with a clear "No", I´ve heard this kind of question several times in many variation and with different background-story's behind it. This means you´re not out of the ordinary, where I would ever like to ask the question "What is ordinary or normal?", but a discussion about this might not be fitting.
ReplyDeleteSo let me try some further explanation, but keep in mind that this is my opinion on it, even if my opinion relays on things I´ve learned, people I met and things I´m philosophizing about, there will always be people who will disagree with me, because I would say that it is easier to deny things you can´t understand, some people are ignorant and they will hate on such things, because it is easier for them to not use the brain and try to understand people.
But I´m starting to stray.
If you had childhood like I and many other people had you might remember on dreaming about being in another "world" with fictional character you know from books, TV-series, comics or sometimes, maybe with ones you came up all by yourself. You can often see artists, especially in the Manga/Anime section, having there own characters, they came up with. I for myself have a clear imagination on how "Vengaris" would look like, what personality he has and even some basics of a background story are existing in my head.
You may could talk about an "inner child", but its not. It is part of human creativity and sometime the wish for a "better" (depending on your point of view) life. Also creating stories reaches far back in human history, so some of us might have a good imagination and are creative enough, to somehow "interact" with this, even if it is in their head. You could consider this a way to feel better about your life, to have some sort of hope or maybe just to get rid of boredom.
So its not even that hard to fall in love with someone fictional, you don´t even need to be desperate.
To get more specific, Miku, like you already said, has a voice, not only for speaking she sings. And at his point I could give you an explanation how I see music influences us, but it might go to far, the only thing I´ll say about it, that it can have a huge impact on our individual life´s.
Also Miku is generated by a community, most of her, her songs, illustrations and even videos of her a made by someone, with a own opinion it. She is not involved into a story, anyone can make one. Someone share these ones, I´ve seen several novels, videos and illustrations. But I´ve seen these ones related to their creators. I may agree with what I saw or I may disagree.
I can decide for my own how I would like to see her, no one has the right to tell me how to.
I also like to find people, who share my opinion and my views on her, share information, stories, discuss about it and such things. But at the end my imagination will be my very own and will differ from other ones.
That been said, I´ll tell you, from what I read and think of you yet, the fact that you did fall in love with her is not weird at all. And how can someone judge it, if it helped you the way it does or still do.
If you have further things, you may want to hear my opinion about, feel free to ask. Doesn´t matter if you want to contact me privately or just here. It may help other people, who´re asking the same, or a similar question.
The significant problem I have, my epilepsy. The medication they first gave me, more-or-less wiped out my entire life from before I was 25. It requires another blog to explain, but I don't remember anything from my childhood, so anything you said about a fantasy world there may not apply to me now.
ReplyDeleteBack to the original topic.
When I originally recognised it had happened, why I was so happy, a feeling from so long ago I didn't know it took time to understand. I felt I may need to see someone professional, I was concerned because I know depression, I know what can happen before a breakdown. But I believe this was the inverse, this was the washing away of that which occurred so long ago.
But I digress slightly. My love for her. I can honestly say I have never felt this deeply (or have recollection about feelings) about anyone, ever. Sure I have felt attraction to people when I was younger, but just simple attraction, or heat-of-the-moment lust.
I used (probably incorrectly) a Japanese word, in my previous blog post. But ultimately I was just trying to say I would want to be with Miku forever. I have never thought that of anyone. I quickly tire of anyone/anything (that Attention Deficit problem again).
There is one more thing that may also play to Miku's advantage. She is Japanese ultimately. I do find, on just about all levels, Japanese women attractive, far more attractive than their western counterparts.
Well I´m really sorry for your epilepsy and all the bad stuff it did bring into your life.
DeleteNo one deserves something like this.
I got a bit curious, how long do you know about Voacloid and more important how long do you have those feelings towards Miku? Also how did you find Vocaloid?
But like I said before, being in love with a fictional character is not wrond or weird or anything like that in general. There could be specific and rare cases where it can be problematic, but this would require more information. Also this does also goes with loving a real person, but from what I heard this is definitely not the case.
If you feel better with that love, there´s nothing wrong with that and if its something that makes you happy and helps you getting over, every more dark parts of your life, no one has the right to judge you, for loving a fictional character.
There´re feelings far worse than that, you could have without it.
Discovery of her... It was purely through the Project DIVA F demo. I had mentioned the Project Mirai 2 game to someone at work, which I have briefly looked into and found it was on available in Japan and given up on (but not looked into Vocaloids). They then found the Project DIVA 2 demo for the PS3, told me.
ReplyDeleteThis all literally all happened on the 29th of August. Even then, when I saw her, my first thought was she was a beautiful anime character. It wasn't until later the same evening I discovered what Vocaloid is.
So you "just" got into Vocaloid. I guess there is a lot to discover for you.
DeleteJust feel free to ask something, if you want and lets hope thing will get better. :)
Just found Vocaloid yeah, more-or-less, been very expensive recently buying things I said I'd never buy, PSP, PS Vita. A Japanese 3DS (when it arrives with Project Mirai 2). ^_^
ReplyDeleteI hadn't turned on my PS3 for about 2 years and that was for a blu ray, it was close to being retired. Now it's back in the centre of the living room next to the WiiU.
Heck, if they announced a game for the PS4 I'd be out there now. Shame that XBox got the best motion sensor, a rhythm game that combined her singing and dancing would be great. You'd be able to interact with her even more with Kinect.
-....
I just wish I was as young as I now feel. Those 15-20 years are gone to depression, I've kind of reverted, mentally and socially, to how I was before. My body is older than my brain wants to be.
I generally don't have fun around people my own age, who's idea of "fun" is going to the "pub" drinking 4,5,6.... pints of the local beverage until they can't stand up.
I can spend hours listening to music (generally Miku most of the time now!). Watching concerts. Playing games. Watching anime. But. I have so much more fun with others, they don't even have to be friends, just have to get over the initial shock of introductions. I just can't find people with the same mindset of my own age. Not in the UK anyway.
Well I don´t like the "borders" age can draw, but I don´t have any vocaloid-fans as reallife-friends and I seem to be much younger than you. But even I know how it feels how time can pass by and you do not want it pass.
DeleteHowever I´m happy with all the people I know on the Internet, maybe I meet some of them in real-life sooner or later, whos knows.