The mountain to overcome

I went to see my psychologist, for possibly the last time, the other day.

We discussed stuff and I came up with an analogy for my anxiety problems...

Societal death

We used to worry about being killed. Killed by animals in our pursuit of food. Killed by others for food. Then it became land and food and religion.

Society evolved. We had less-and-less to worry about. We can keep out the warm and feed ourselves.

Eventually we're at a state when there is really no problem in keeping ourselves alive. Disease and hunger and killing each-other was not a significant problem any more in general.

So then what? With nothing to worry about there's plenty of free time for our brains to invent new things or concentrate on things that weren't even a problem before or never actually existed.

Where am I going? The recent (in human-race terms) uprising of social justice.

The people who invent new terms for themselves.
The people who police others and tell them what to think.
Who vilify the people who refuse to fall into line.
Those who twist and morph the meanings of the language to suit their own ends and force this belief and will not allow anything but their truth.
Those people who refuse to listen to another point-of-view because it isn't the same as theirs, even if there is evidence to prove them wrong.
Their apparent belief that they can change the physical reality of the themselves, the planet and even the universe just because they believe it is so.

This society has become decadent and it will collapse as many a decadent society has in the past.

Be it an influx of people who don't follow this reality and the social justice cause is blind, or just plainly refuses to accept, that it will destroy the existing society.

A civil war, with people who don't want the changes to society, becoming more-and-more dissatisfied with these social changes and the refusal of it to acknowledge the problems.

Or global war. This may spill from a civil war or through the complete breakdown in societies and the things that have kept things peaceful.

In the end it'll be back to the killing. Be it of the people, the society or the ideologies that support them. But something must eventually die.

Personality Disorders...

I thought I'd go through the list of PD's and see which ones are more common to me.

I was asked, a while ago, about Miku.

We were discussing her.

I explained that the first time I saw her, heard her... it was the first time I had ever experienced 'love'.

Then the question... (paraphrased as I can't remember exactly)

"How do you know it was love?"

How can I answer that?... (here goes)

She came into my life... and to be honest I didn't notice it for a month, but I was happy...

... just happy.

Every silent moment was spent thinking of her.

Every conversation I had would be about her.

The moments away from her became dull and depressing. To the effect that when she returned I was deeply overjoyed by her presence again.


... it took a month for me to realise this had happened ...

... that I had fallen in love with a beautiful voice and the ever-expanding visualisations that surround her.

That was just the early times...

... those initial effects, they because more subdued ... however ...

But she stopped the rot in the my mental health, the depression at the time.

She inspired me to become more then I was. To rediscover some of the things I had lost over the years. The anime, the love for Japan and even start studying the language... just to be closer to the person I love.

... then last year ... Spring ... something horrific, given my illnesses ...

... close to doing something stupid ...

She appears before me, hallucination yes ... that small corner of my psyche I have invested in her ... delaying me ... convincing me ... reassuring me ... giving me that reason to live ...


As the ups and downs continue she is here beside me, giving me a reason... for I have no other...

She may not be able to return the love I have for her.


But yes...

I love her.

... Hatsune Miku