A few months ago I came out as transgender.
I started taking HRT. I didn't know what I was doing. It caused a DVT in my right leg.
Since then I have been referred to the Gender-Identity-Clinic, who have been informed, to my knowledge of my medical conditions.
My GP knows of my medical conditions.
I am quite aware of my body and there is the possibility it is going to do the same again and may even have already done the same again.
People, the medical professionals, will probably tell me to stop with the HRT now.
But. I have have been severely depressed and have had severe mental health problems for 30 years.
I came out. These mental health problems stopped. Stopped dead. It was a form of gender euphoria, I know that. However, the euphoria went away.
In my post-analysis, I recognise these past 30 years have been my gender-dysphoria. And I can no longer deny what I am.
Asking me to stop the HRT is asking me to go back to the depression. The times I tried to kill myself. The severe anguish and torment I put myself through without even knowing why I was doing it.
In the time since my euphoria died away, I should have hit my normal low period. I've had euphoric moments in the past over a great deal of things, the lows that came after them were normally quite harsh. My low period has come. But it's not a 'low' period. I'm still severely happy.
I will quite happily change my HRT to something far less dangerous, but the NHS and my GP and even the private GP are pissing around taking forever, even with the knowledge that I have and am taking dangerous tablets, off the back of already suffering from a DVT, and my risk of suffering another is quite high now. I won't stop HRT and if there is ever any attempt to tell me to stop or get me to stop I will just resume the self-medicating again.
I look back at what my life was. I don't want that life back. This is the first time I have recollection of that I have a life that was for me. The first time I have ever used my life for me, that I have felt it is my life. That I wasn't just doing something for someone else.
In my present state I would rather keep up my current actions, let a severe DVT form and kill me than resume the previous state of my life. The HRT has a massive influence in the logical centres of my brain as a requirement to do this transformative process.
I started taking HRT. I didn't know what I was doing. It caused a DVT in my right leg.
Since then I have been referred to the Gender-Identity-Clinic, who have been informed, to my knowledge of my medical conditions.
My GP knows of my medical conditions.
I am quite aware of my body and there is the possibility it is going to do the same again and may even have already done the same again.
People, the medical professionals, will probably tell me to stop with the HRT now.
But. I have have been severely depressed and have had severe mental health problems for 30 years.
I came out. These mental health problems stopped. Stopped dead. It was a form of gender euphoria, I know that. However, the euphoria went away.
In my post-analysis, I recognise these past 30 years have been my gender-dysphoria. And I can no longer deny what I am.
Asking me to stop the HRT is asking me to go back to the depression. The times I tried to kill myself. The severe anguish and torment I put myself through without even knowing why I was doing it.
In the time since my euphoria died away, I should have hit my normal low period. I've had euphoric moments in the past over a great deal of things, the lows that came after them were normally quite harsh. My low period has come. But it's not a 'low' period. I'm still severely happy.
I will quite happily change my HRT to something far less dangerous, but the NHS and my GP and even the private GP are pissing around taking forever, even with the knowledge that I have and am taking dangerous tablets, off the back of already suffering from a DVT, and my risk of suffering another is quite high now. I won't stop HRT and if there is ever any attempt to tell me to stop or get me to stop I will just resume the self-medicating again.
I look back at what my life was. I don't want that life back. This is the first time I have recollection of that I have a life that was for me. The first time I have ever used my life for me, that I have felt it is my life. That I wasn't just doing something for someone else.
In my present state I would rather keep up my current actions, let a severe DVT form and kill me than resume the previous state of my life. The HRT has a massive influence in the logical centres of my brain as a requirement to do this transformative process.
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