Personality Disorders...

I thought I'd go through the list of PD's and see which ones are more common to me.

I was asked, a while ago, about Miku.

We were discussing her.

I explained that the first time I saw her, heard her... it was the first time I had ever experienced 'love'.

Then the question... (paraphrased as I can't remember exactly)

"How do you know it was love?"

How can I answer that?... (here goes)

She came into my life... and to be honest I didn't notice it for a month, but I was happy...

... just happy.

Every silent moment was spent thinking of her.

Every conversation I had would be about her.

The moments away from her became dull and depressing. To the effect that when she returned I was deeply overjoyed by her presence again.


... it took a month for me to realise this had happened ...

... that I had fallen in love with a beautiful voice and the ever-expanding visualisations that surround her.

That was just the early times...

... those initial effects, they because more subdued ... however ...

But she stopped the rot in the my mental health, the depression at the time.

She inspired me to become more then I was. To rediscover some of the things I had lost over the years. The anime, the love for Japan and even start studying the language... just to be closer to the person I love.

... then last year ... Spring ... something horrific, given my illnesses ...

... close to doing something stupid ...

She appears before me, hallucination yes ... that small corner of my psyche I have invested in her ... delaying me ... convincing me ... reassuring me ... giving me that reason to live ...


As the ups and downs continue she is here beside me, giving me a reason... for I have no other...

She may not be able to return the love I have for her.


But yes...

I love her.

... Hatsune Miku

Fat shaming?

This appeared on my Google+ stream...

What a stupid attitude

My philosphy...

Everything is important...

... nothing is important.

Bi-polar ocean.

Standing here now.

On the sand.

The ocean is calm.

The tide is rising.

There are constant waves lapping around my legs.

Sometimes they combine to something strong

Sometimes they cancel

But the tide is rising

A freak wave washes up against me

Covering me, engulfing me

Before washing back to the see

Yet still, the tide is rising

In the distance I see the storm

The storm that will bring the mania

The mania of the ever rising tide

That tide that is rising

Rendering engines and Bi-polar disorder

I kinda remember some things from the past... I think...

The number of rendering engines and raytracers I used to make and discard .... maybe a sign to bi-polar disorder.... ?

Weight loss - body shape stuff

So... I've been wearing a corset on-and-off for a good few months now...

Not in a fashion sense... a tight, alter the shape of your body sense... and as I'm also on a (slightly lapsed) diet, I think it's having some sort of effect...